so about my soul searching...over the past two years, a lot has changed in my life. i have taken on more responsibilities at work. i have taken on advanced training at work. i have started back to school.
along with that, i have started losing track of time. i have had issues with my health. i have not been able to do as good of a job at something that i would have liked to have done. i have slacked on cleaning my house (not that much...). i have not been the best girlfriend (or as i'm starting to call it, cohabitator). i have not been as good of a sister, daughter or aunt. i have lost the time to stop and smell the roses...
what for? is it worth it? am i happy?
no. so i had to evaluate things and try to figure out what i can change to make life a little less chaotic. and a little slower than warp speed. and i have to feel better. and i have to be more attentive. so i had to admit that i can't handle everything. i had to say i need help. i had to say i can't do all the things i want. so i did. i had to give up something that i was afraid to give up, because i felt i was given an opportunity and i didn't want to let people down. and i didn't want to feel like a failure.
and do you know what?
THAT
IS
OK
so i did. i gave something up. i had a ginourmous debated with myself on whether i should or not. but i did.
and i'm not letting down anyone. and i'm not a failure because of it. and people will still love me no matter what. and i can still be a good nurse even though i can't take the sickest patients. and no one will think any less of me.
and now i can be a better person. and take care of myself a little better. and be a more loving (and less bitchy) girlfriend. And spend more time with my family. and i can plant some roses and i will MAKE time to smell them.
most of all, i can get back to being me and not someone who i think i should be.
and be happy
because life is too short. and i want it to slow down.
8 peeps have to say:
Angie, you are not a failure and you do not let people down--especially your family. I don't know how you keep up with the pace. Just eliminating one aspect of your life may not be enough. Like you said, it is time to stop and smell the roses that you will plant in your new yard. You will love them!
Please, keep your chin up, follow up with your doctor, get well and get back to what you love almost as much as your man--your patients.
Love you
mom
WOW! I AM IN TEARS! LIFE IS TOO SHORT! BE HAPPY AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!
Good for you, Angie. Not sure about roses, though...they take a lot of work. Try for something a little less maintenance, but equally as beautiful :) I look forward to seeing a happy moodicon more often.
Listen to your Mom. She will always be older, wiser and understand you best! Take care of you and the rest will fall into place.
Just found your blog, and I am looking forward to reading more. I guess I chose the day you had a good rant for some reason! We all feel this way sometimes, and it's really just the evolution our lives take on at different stages of the journey! Hang in there. The older you get (I'm not sure how old you are, but you sure look young), the more of these kind of choices you have to make. And each one is for the best. You are where you are supposed to be! Remember that! Good luck changing things up! I put you on my Google Reader! If you want, check out my blog too!
Mom said it best!! Plus I am so proud of you!! Sherri
Wow, what an inspirational "ramble" (as you called it). I am proud of the strength you showed Angie. One of my favourite sayings is "nothing changes if you change nothing". Good on ya mate- you made a choice to be happy.Hope it helps with your health too
Sarah
I could have wrote that post myself. For the last couple years, I have been lost. I am no choosing what I want and evaluating what I need in my life. Good luck Angie!
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